Adele Larson: [answers the phone] Hello... who?... I never heard of him, consult your directory. [hangs up]
Adele Larson: Henry! A car full of Larsons almost died there!
Claudia Larson: Nobody means what they say on Thanksgiving, Mom. You know that. That's what the day's supposed to be all about, right? Torture.
Aunt Glady: How fast can you go Tommy?
Tommy Larson: Like the wind, honey.
Tommy Larson: She flashed me Claud, she flashed me.
Claudia Larson: Welcome home!
Claudia Larson: You know, maybe next year will be better for you.
Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak: Hey, yeah - or worse.
Tommy Larson: Where ya been? We ate already.
Henry Larson: Joanne, look at your sister. Doesn't she look snazzy?
Joanne Wedman: Spectacular. New diet?
Adele Larson: I'm giving thanks that we don't have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us.
Tommy Larson: Well, that was absurd, let's eat dead bird!
Joanne Wedman: You're calling me a freak?
Tommy Larson: No, I'm calling you a product of baboon lovin'. There's a distinction.
Henry Larson: Well, opinions are like assholes, honey. Everybody's got one and everybody thinks everybody else's stinks.
Adele Larson: Into the house! Everyone! Before we're in the evening news.
Henry Larson: I can't wait for goddamn Christmas.
Leo Fish: [to Claudia, when he gets into the car with some difficulty, as he is trying to stuff a lamp in as well] It's mine; you can't have it. She gave it to me.
Claudia Larson: You don't know the first thing about me.
Joanne Wedman: Likewise, I'm sure. If I just met you on the street... if you gave me your phone number... I'd throw it away.
Claudia Larson: Well, we don't have to like each other, Jo. We're family.