quotes

Episode 3.14.
Brian: If it isn't the Widow Schmidt. Fire engine red must be the new black.
Emmett: I'd appreciate if you'd spare me the searing wit. I've been burned enough already.

Emmett: You know we've never done this before.
Brian: It's a shame, we make such a lovely couple. We're both - tall!
Emmett: So why now?
Brian: I thought you might enjoy being the center of attention.
Emmett: How do you figure that?
Brian: You're with me.
Emmett: You're unbelievable.
Brian: I know.

Brian: And you also need to move on. And forget about him. He's dead.
Emmett: He's not dead.
Brian: Well, he will be - soon enough. But that's his problem. Keep dancing.
Emmett: I don't know how you do it.
Brian: It's easy. Just put one foot in front of the other.
Emmett: I mean - to be so heartless!
Brian: Well, it takes a little practice, but eventually you get the knack.
Emmett: Well, I could never be like that.
Brian: Sure you could!

Brian: Go back to him! Show him how much you care. Let him kill you too!


Episode 4.01.
Brian: Buy you a drink?
Emmett: Look, I’m very flattered you should ask, don’t take - Hello, boys.
Brian: Sorry, I mistook you for my friend, Emmett Honeycutt.
Justin: We’re going to Babylon, wanna come?
Emmett: I’m not really in the mood for men, muscles and music. I’d rather stay here and get shitfaced.
Brian: You passed shitfaced about ten miles back.
Emmett: So I’ve had a few cocktails! Does that qualify me for rehab? Besides, I’ve already been there!
Justin: Did you see Ted?
Emmett: And you’ll never guess who’s there with him!
Brian: Liza?
Justin: Robert Downey Jr.!
Brian: Ben Affleck.
Justin: Matthew Perry.
Emmett: Blake! The tweaked out twinky! Isn’t that great?
Brian: Well, some assholes never learn!
Emmett: Oh, no no no, he’s learned! He’s even gotten a degree! He’s a drug abuse counselor! A few days in Dr.Boytoy’s care and Mr. Schmidt’s as good as new! Let’s have a drink to his remarkable recovery. Shall we?

Episode 4.03.
Brian: Do you mind if I cut in?
Emmett: I'm dancing with someone.
Brian: No, you are.
Emmett: How dare you! Where the fuck do you get off?
Brian: Save your diva routine for your world tour. Why’d you treat Michael like that?
Emmett: Like what?
Brian: Like he’s an insignificant piece of shit.
Emmett: What the fuck business is it of yours?
Brian: Anybody who hurts Michael is the fuck my business.
Emmett: Well, maybe he hurt me, too.
Brian: By being friends with Theodore?
Emmett: You are the one who told me to forget him. That he's dead. Right here on this very dance floor!
Brian: Well, guess what. Like Jesus and Liza and Judy, he’s making a comeback.
Emmett: And everybody wants to give him a standing ovation, just like nothing ever happened.
Brian: Listen to me, Honeycutt. Are you listening?
Emmett: Yes. I’m listening. Don’t call me Honeycutt.
Brian: (laughs) Michael is your friend just the same as he’s Ted’s. But if you force him to choose between you, you’re gonna lose him. Oh and by the way, I fucked Ramon, and his dick’s the size of a Ticonderoga No. 3. After it’s been sharpened. Sorry!