Ted: Gay men and straight girls sleeping together....isn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse?

Emmett: Having recently made love to a woman, I can give you a few pointers.
Brian: Banging a bull-dyke for Jesus isn't exactly making love.

Emmett: If you break his heart, I will break your face.

Brian: If you don't earn respect when you're alive, you don't deserve it when you're dead.

Brian: Heteros one. Homos nothing.

Brian: So long, Jack! You son of a bitch. 

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