quotes

Abby: Have you guys at the Secret Service ever thought of jumping in front of the president's diet.

Abby: This program rocks. It includes vall, fall, yacht, tip over, rollover, combined speed, linear momentum...
Gibbs: Abby.
Abby: Oh, c'mon, Gibbs. You know you love it when I talk tech.

Gibbs: We gonna jump through any legal hoops?
Abby: Oh, that's kind of a gray area.
Gibbs: How gray?
Abby: Charcoal.

Gibbs: Abby, what did the urine tell you?
Abby: Oh, all kinds of things, we had a great talk.

Abby: You went to see Ducky before you came to see me!
Gibbs: Is there some kind of priority here I don't know about?
Abby:A girl likes to be thought of first.

Gibbs: You still in touch with your old NASA boyfriend?
Abby: He *wasn't* a boyfriend. He was a *boytoy*! And yes, we IM everyday.

Ducky: Abby, I'm surprised. I had you pegged for more the anarchist type.
Abby: Actually, I used to be an anarchist.
Ducky: What happened?
Abby: Too many rules.

Abby: You can't rush science, Gibbs! You can yell at it and scream at it, but you can't rush it.

Gibbs: [speaking of Easter Eggs] They were hidden in the porn?
Abby: My cursor has moved across places that would make Tony blush.

Gibbs: Next thing I want you to do is hack into Watson's computer. It's the only link we have to the kidnapper.
Abby: Gibbs, we are talking about the Pentagon here. Even their encryptions have encryptions.

Gibbs: You inside his computer yet?
Abby: Oh, um, I... I think, um...
Gibbs: Need help?
Abby: Yeah.
Gibbs: All you had to do was ask. One of the smartest people I know told me that once.
Abby: Who?
Gibbs: You.

[Abby's computer overheats and crashes]
Abby: No, no, no, no! No! No! Aahh! My baby just french-fried!

Abby: McGee, never forget: I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence.

Abby: Thank you, sir.
Gibbs: Don't call me sir.
Abby: Yes, ma'am.

McGee: [Abby handcuffs McGee to a table] Well, where did you get these?
Abby: [cheerfully] Never leave home without them!

Gibbs: This is going to be useful, Abby, why?
Abby: Gibbs, I know you know that I need a good windup before I deliver my knockout.
Gibbs: Just hit me with it, Baby.

Abby: [about a suspect] This guy is cleaner than cleaner, whiter than white. If you put him in a line up with snow, snow is going to jail.

Abby: Whoaw, after all these years I am finally losing my crime-scene virginity.

Gibbs: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abbs.
Abby: Equatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs.

Abby: I have two questions: This video it's different than the others. Why?
Gibbs: Okay. What's the other question?
Abby: Can I stay with you tonight?

Abby: [in Gibbs' basement] Nothing like a dungeon like basement to quiet the nerves.

Abby: [drunk] I don't know why people drink alcohol when they're depressed, because alcohol is a depressant. Now I'm still 'pressed... and I'm nauseous.

McGee: I could not imagine a worse way to go.
Abby: I could.
McGee: She planted herself on a barbed wire fence. What could possibly be worse?
Abby: My top three are: falling in a wood chipper, drowning in lava, and being eaten by a shark.

Gibbs: Hey, Abs, got some good news for you. i just talked to the director and your new assistant starts Monday.
Abby: No, Gibbs! No. I can't go through that again. That-
[realizes Gibbs is joking]
Abby: That is so not funny!
Gibbs: No?
Abby: No.
Gibbs: It was to me, kind of.

Abby: [handing him black roses] Don't forget to water them, or they'll die.
DiNozzo: I thought they already were dead.

Ducky: [Abby is spinning in circles on a stool] Abby. Abigail! What are you doing?
Abby: I'm trying to change my spacial orientation. Help myself get a new perspective.
Ducky: How's it working?
Abby: I think I'm gonna be sick.

Abby: [after Gibbs saves her life] Permission to hug?
Gibbs: You never have to ask.

Abby: Good dog...
[turns to McGee]
Abby: *bad* McGee!

McGee: Why would I give flowers to a dog that attacked me?
Abby: Um, maybe because dog is man's best friend. Or maybe because I'm a forensic scientist and I could boil you from the inside out and never leave a trace.

Abby: [to a dog] Who's a good Jethro?
Gibbs: [entering the room] I'm a good Jethro?

Abby: [rambling after Gibbs sneaks up on her] I need a hearing test. I'm going deaf. Am I talking loud? Because sometimes people who don't hear very well, they talk too loud. Except, sometimes, when I get water in my ears, I talk so softly that people tell me to speak up because I have that weird, you know, gurgling, swishing sound in my head. Has that ever happened to you? Why didn't I hear the elevator?

Abby: [Entering] Gibbs.
Gibbs: [Rising] Abby. Abs, are you okay?
Abby: Do I look okay? What is Abby's rule #1? Do not lie to Abby!

Gibbs: Abby...
Abby: '72 Skylark, custom hubcaps. I already told Tony to put out a BOLO.
Gibbs: No. I was going to say "Nice job."
[Gibbs walks away]
Abby: Oh...
[Dejectedly]
Abby: Obviously not nice enough.
Gibbs: Fridge.
[Abby looks at the fridge and notices a Caf-Pow! Abby gasps, and goes to the fridge]
Abby: I don't know how you did that and I don't care!
[Takes a drink]
Abby: Thank you Gibbs!

Abby: [Looking at some maggots recovered from a dead body] Aren't they just the cutest things?

Abby: I like everything about Christmas. Except the Chipmunk Song. And shopping - I hate shopping. I never know what to get anyone - especially Gibbs. What do you get a guy who has nothing and wants nothing?